Mastering YOU in Relationships

This is not a “how to,” but rather an invitation to consider that we are the authority of our lives, an invitation to consider another way of being. To exploring and restructuring the biggest relationship of all, the one we hold with ourselves.

Often saying no to our desires when we really want to say yes, we seem to have mastered the art of actively limiting ourselves. Telling it how it is versus how we want it to be, because surely that will buy sympathy - behaviors lending to a mad search and rescue crusade, I am sure! 

Let's do a little activity...

Find yourself sitting next to a desk or table lamp that is turned off.

Bring your contemplations, all of your fears and self-doubt, too. You know the gremlin laundry list of, "this will never work..I have too much to do...I'm tired...I'm meant to be alone." 

When you are ready, close your eyes, and hear yourself silently state the intention, " I want to feel good."

When you state your intention of wanting to feel good, what do you notice?

What do you feel inside of you? Where do you feel the ignition?

Now, state your intention out loud, "I want to feel good!" Go ahead and give it a little vocal muscle, some conviction and when you are ready, turn on the light.

Do you feel it, the ignition, the shift of energy?

YOU are the switch to your light, the switch to your ignition. YOU are the foundation, the security and the Love you are seeking. When we consider that Love is already here in side and all around us, we open a very important door-our gateway to personal freedom. Knowing that the love we seek is already inside of us, our task then becomes more about dissolving our barriers and walls keeping us from fully embracing the sweetness Love brings. We are the switches to our lights

Relationships are not reason enough for us to loose ourselves, taking care of ourselves is the discipline. Relationships have the potential to serve as soul growth partnerships. Beautiful platforms for us to becoming even clearer about who we are, what our purpose is and how to best align, while in the loving presence of another.  

It’s hard for us to see potential when we come to a relationship with a bucket full of fear, doubt, worry, stress, and guard- in those moments we choose to come into our relationships empty, asking for another to do the filling. 

Committing to our selves is a discipline of practice, a practice of applying Love. Consider coming to a relationship with your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual tank chalked full with your tender love and care, then all else simply becomes juicy overflow. 

The feeling of emotional intimacy, closeness and vulnerability becomes the potential of any relationship you choose to enter, because you are coming into the space connected, open, honest, available, and full.

Lets get good n' honest

It's hard to know what we are working with when we are holding firm onto our positions of how we feel wronged by our past or how robbed of peace and happiness we project out onto our future. Regardless of how wronged you feel, consider that anytime you catch yourself saying "I'm upset because..." your school is in session! 

What are the judgments?

Spend a week, a day, ten minutes, journal the judgments without judging. Write them out. Notice how you feel when those come forward, notice where you feel it in your body, the mood that comes forward, any desires or withdrawals.

Just notice and stay open.

Shift into your power

Your judgments and mis-beliefs are the gateway to personal freedom.

Find their match.

With each judgment laid out- get intimate. Allowing the energy that the judgment rides on, whether it be fear, anxiousness or instability-let it come to the surface. Truly hold yourself in this sacred space. When you are ready find their match point- speak it. Honesty is the best policy and truth brings freedom. A belief I held in the past often mirrored something along the lines of, "love is so hard.." this of course continued to bring tough love towards me. When in reality, the truth is love is easy, open, honesty, close and beautiful, the stories I built for protection kept in a place of not only holding dooms day love thoughts but also experiencing dooms day-continuously! When you shift by pivoting your focus onto what you want to experience in your life, versus what you don’t want - life has a chance to shift, too. 

Hold yourself in love, with kid loves, offering Self forgiveness for holding onto the judgments, for buying into the misbeliefs. Let’s aspire to be the best version of ourselves, but if we spend our time slamming ourselves we will only feel further pain and disconnection. 

Attitude of Gratitude

Within my continuing journey in Self acceptance, I am aware of how everything in my life conspires to serve me for my growth, because my intention is clear: I want to feel good.

Practicing gratitude is a discipline that has dramatically shifted the experience of myself in relationships, consequently impacting my relationships.

Knowing that what you think about expands, I cannot help but piece together that I feel really good when I am in a place of gratitude versus when I am in a place chronic distress and dissatisfaction about my life. Said in another way, allow yourself to actively seek and share what is feeling good, and you will have more of it- it’s the Universal Law of Attraction.

Choosing to see challenges as opportunities and upset as routes to peace, our horizon changes. Gratitude expands our hearts, exploding us into new possibilities, deepening our capacity of intimacy and trust.

Spend time each day for the next 30 days speaking out at least 5 statements of gratitude and you will experience drastic changes in your life. Spend time each day in appreciation for yourself, for your preciousness, your kind heart, your willingness to show up as YOU- and you will find your Self in the center of each and every relationship- full.

The truth is we are all meant for a beautiful life, a life where we support ourselves in keeping our lights bold and bright.